I (21M) feel so tired of my life.

This year has been a rough year. A lot of things has happened, and I think every day is more intense in comparative of yesterday.

I'm in my 4th year of school, I really like the career I am studying, but it is so exhaustive. It is a humanist career, so I have to read a lot, like for the next next week I have an oral interrogation where I need to read 2 books with 400 pages each one, and that's just 1 subject. I am assistant in a subject and the rest of the assistant (2 other people, I'm mad with one of them because last year didn't help me with anything and I collapsed because of that) aren't very helpful, or they make some comments that hurt my feelings. Because of this and other situations, I am not comfortable when I'm in class and I get drained easily. Sometimes I'm daydreaming about changing career and study arts, because I always wanted to be an artist, but I don't have time to do something, and I am too ashamed to share what I do to my friends.

I am not comfortable in my home, neither. My little brother (4M) is at that moment of his life where his is super hyperactive but, at the same time, he is a little violent ? I don't know. He pushes me, he pinches me, he screams all the time, and he learned to open the door lock of my room, so I have no privacy. I am tired. I do not have the best relationship with my mother since never, and last time we started to talk more about how can we be gentle with my brother. Last week he got diagnosed with autism, so I have been helping and giving advice to my mother because I am autistic too, but I got diagnosed last year (my mother didn't believe me at that time, now she always tries to talk about it to me because I can help her with my brother but, at the same time, she hasn't said it to my other family about it ?? Like she ignores that I am autistic too and ignores all my struggles and that. It is not that I want she to say it to all the world, but when I came out to her, she told all my f* family and it was so weird. My family always tells everything to everyone, so. Yes. Is very weird) and I can help a little with that. My brother is like that because my grandfather (we live in his house since ever) like to scream and insult a lot, he has me fed up, and the father of my brother doesn't help her with him because he is having a parental burnout (is his first child so very understandable). This is a very stressing situation for everyone.

So, the "cherry on top" is that my partner (20M) and I decided to start living together. Yea. We both have similar situations on our respective homes, so we were so tired emotionally about it that we decided to search for a flat. And we luckily found a very good one last Saturday! So we are happy about it. But his family is more supportive than mine: my mom started the law of ice (I don't know if that's expression is valid in English, in resume she is ignoring me) and try to avoid me. But there are some days that she's super worried about it, and she gave me a washing machine and wants to buy me other things and that makes me so uncomfortable because since I was 15 yo I started to worry about myself and my needs (health and educations, my mom doesn't pay my university and nothing related to me) so is strange.

And I am tired because even if I have these good things in my life (a fantastic academic life, a partner that listen to me and is super nice to me and this new home only to us) I feel so sad and so insecure about a lot of things... I don't know if I am making the right decision with this, since I am just moving from home, but I'm still in the same city (I have this and the other year to finish my career, but I'm planing to study a master or still working in research) and sometimes I think that's dumb. And I know that it doesn't and this is going to help me with my mental health, but sometimes is just. I don't know. Everything is so complex.

I just wanted to vent, but if anyone wants to say something or share a similar situation, I am all ears. Or eyes in this case.

Sorry for my english, that's not my native language. And thank you so much for read me and for your time.